I experience true joy more fully without alcohol

I cheers-ed with ginger ale at my wedding last week.

If 25-year old Alexa heard that, she’d be falling out of her chair laughing.  Last Thursday, I cheers-ed with ginger ale at my beach ceremony in Costa Rica.  

As I eliminated alcohol from my life, I tended to think of how I would deal with pain, grief, and disappointment without booze? And that was hard. It’s still hard. But what I failed to realize was when I was dousing myself with alcohol to deal with the hard things, I was actually numbing myself to the good things too. In an attempt to medicate the stress and pain of daily life, I also dimmed my joy.

We believe we need alcohol to enjoy life, but think back to some of the greatest moments of your life… the actual moment itself. Regardless of whether you were drinking or not, what made the moment special? If you’re anything like me, it was the people you were with, the beautiful location you were in, or the sense of accomplishment you were experiencing. It’s never actually the alcohol that makes the moment special.  

True joy exists in and of itself.

Without the influence of alcohol, I’ve opened myself up to feeling more present in my life. And while that means being more present to the pain, it also means being more present to the JOY. When I reflect on the past several years I think of several moments where I experienced truly unbelievable highs (getting engaged, getting married, the phone call from my sister when she got into medical school, the phone call from my other sister when she crossed the finish line at her marathon, embarking on my sabbatical).

How cool is it that I got to experience those moments FULLY? 

So going back to my wedding for a minute. As I sat on a private beach with the love of my life in the most beautiful location, I raised my glass to toast my new husband and I paused. Before we clinked glasses, I took a second to take it all in. I looked at his smiling face. I felt the sand under my feet and heard the waves crashing in the background. I let the joy and the bliss of the moment seep into my body. My heart swelled with a gratitude not only that I married my best friend, but that I got to do it sober.